I am thrilled to reprint this recent blog post from APU skier Renae Anderson. The original appeared on her blog yesterday; you can read it here. I love it because it is one part a humorous listicle, one part a quietly devastating — yet also loving — précis of the various ski regions in this country and their respective mores. “I only managed to train 1,400 hours this year” speaks, in my somewhat informed opinion, volumes (*get it?!*) about Alaska ski culture.
Again, Anderson’s blog may be found here. She blogs roughly as much as every other high-level skier in the country combined, so you should follow her if you like to read good ski blogs frequently. You can find out more about Anderson here, and can financially support her here. This blog is of course reprinted with her permission — thanks Renae! And if you’ve ever written something that you’d like to share, please be in touch: info (at) nordicinsights.news.
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Cross Country Ski Excuses Pt. 2: Regional
It’s about that time of year — ski racing! I wrote a blog last season about some excuses you can use in case the races don’t go as planned.
I received requests for more excuses — readers had already used many of those listed. Using the same excuses over and over might lower your credibility, so here are some fresh ones — by region.
I dug deep to find excuses that haven’t been overused, but are similarly convincing. Enjoy, and remember — a bad race is never your fault.
East
- Sleet got in my eyes on the downhill
- I don’t have a freezing rain specific ski
- I don’t have a hail specific ski
- I don’t have a 1-inch-of-snow-on-top-of-dirty-forest specific ski
- I would be better at classic but I respect Bill Koch too much
- I only have enough klister to cover 12 different snow conditions
- My college won’t let me take 3 months of travel for ski season
- I had fake maple syrup for breakfast and became ill
- I got carsick on the way to the venue
Midwest
- I don’t care about this race, I’m trying to peak for the Minnesota State Meet
- I don’t care about this race, I’m trying to peak for the Birkie
- I don’t have an artificial snow specific ski
- My lungs don’t function at -4F° like they used to
- I froze my eyes solid
- I didn’t pass anyone because I didn’t want to be rude
- I’m only half Norwegian
- There were 400 kids on the trail when I raced
West
- I am sunburnt
- Altitude affects me worse than everyone else
- Dry air affects me worse than everyone else
- I trained for 300 hours at 250 AQI this summer
- I don’t have a scenic, firm corduroy specific ski
- I don’t have a forest fire specific ski
- Someone said “I’m so much better than you” and I believed them
- Someone said “I’m the best skier on this mountain” and I believed them
- I was 27th in the race but the 1st American, at least
Alaska
- There was a moose in my way
- I have Kincaid-jet-fuel-induced asthma
- I only managed to train 1,400 hours this year
- I didn’t get on snow until October
- I don’t have a northern lights specific ski
- I’m vitamin D deficient
- I’m more of a “50°N latitude or below” type of skier
- An 8-year-old Winter Star passed me so I gave up
- An 80-year-old APUer passed me so I gave up
Scandinavia
- I didn’t start seriously training until I was 7
- I was Olympic gold medalist caliber when I was 15 but so was everyone else so I thought I was bad and retired
Happy Tuesday.
— Love, Renae
